Laura, Our Transgender Friend Hits the Bottom

A symbol for transgender people

I was working at our dining room table that overlooks Washington Street when I heard a knock on the door. By the time I had got to the door, the person had already gone and I looked back out the window to see 2 men and my friend Laura. I went out to see what the commotion was about.

When I got down to see them, my friend asked me to take her (she identifies herself as a female though she was born a male)  and her friends to the recycling center across town, the only one that was open. I was a bit hesitant because as I looked at the guys she was with, it was obvious that they were some of the homeless types who usually sleep in the canyons near our apartment. I didn’t know if they would attack me as I drove or something else. Yeah, I had some fear come up, and perhaps it was healthy. But, as I spoke with her and because I had known her for half a year, I believed I could trust her. And so we loaded up my truck and the three of us set off for the North Park recycling center.

 

While waiting for the line to go down, Laura and I had a chat that showed her ill state. She shared with me how she had been sleeping in the canyons for the past several days and had relapsed back in to her meth habit. She had been living with one of the guys and she had just spent the night collecting their recycles to get some cash. He had admitted the money from the recycleables were to help his drug habit, while she said she just needed some money. The tension between them was a bit ripe as they waited for their money from the recycles. After hearing of her past several days, I bought some lunch for her and tried to convince her to go back to her program-based housing.

As the conversation continued, her mental illness, the effects of the drugs, and her sleep deprived state became so obvious. I could tell she was in a really bad place. She started sharing about suicide by cop. I found out what that meant as she described how she wanted to die and would try to use the threat of violence to cause law enforcement to react. She kept saying, “they are coming after me” and that “the police have been told that I am selling drugs, but I am not” and also that “her family was going to disown her if they found out about some of this stuff”. I even learned she was so paranoid and in the dark, that she had a knife on her for protection and she was threatening to use it on the supposed law enforcement coming after her. I encouraged her to surrender her weapon to me.

Laura ended up saying yes to going back to her group housing and so I took her home and dropped her off. It was a week or so later that I heard that after brief stints back on the streets, she moved out of San Diego to work on her drug rehabilitation. I keep forgetting to take the knife out of my truck. I stashed it under my floor mat, perplexed on how to get rid of it. Yet, it is still there and serves as a reminder of the pain someone, a friend in the community is in. She is why we are here. We are here so that the deeply broken might find the One whose love heals deep scarred wounds.

A Delivered Chad and a Hillcrest Prayer Walk

An Introductory Deliverance Story

Chad had just had deliverance performed. He said of that experience that it brought him more freedom than he has ever experienced in 37 years of life. He told of the hours upon hours of intercession and strange bodily experiences as they were removed from him. It was from this experience, that he was ready to learn how to say, “yes to God as much as possible.”

So, he felt the prompting of the Lord to go on a prayer walk one evening, only days after his radical deliverance experience. The stories from that night made my jaw drop and changed my countenance to absolute joy. In this blog post, I wanted to share a couple stories from Chad’s 5-hour prayer walk. God sent him to encounter people in both Pacific Beach and Hillcrest, but here are a couple stories from our mission field.

The Fruitful Prayer walk

It was about 10 am and Chad had already prayed for several people in PB and was now in Hillcrest as the Lord had led him. He was standing under a local store and asking random passerby’s if they wanted prayer and most people said no. He was told by one of those who said no, that there was a guy who needed prayer in a nearby location and so Chad saw him and went to him to see if he needed prayer.

In the process of being with this guy and praying for him another stranger stood above them, listening to them talk. This new stranger asked Chad if he had some pot. Chad told him he didn’t smoke but shared with him what he did have, the Holy Spirit and a desire to pray for him. Chad found out that this guy was a believer, but he didn’t judge the guy based on his peculiar and mind-numbing request. Rather, Chad realized that this guy was just a broken believer who needed a brother. With deep compassion welling up in his heart (I could discern this as he shared the story), he started praying for this guy and asking God to break off addiction from him.

The stranger was thankful and Chad asked him if he wanted to get coffee together. Chad had left his wallet in his car just to trust the Lord for anything he would need that night. Realizing he didn’t have any money, the guy who received prayer offered all the money he had so that they could get coffee together. He gave all he had on him and perhaps had to his name, $5. This guy felt so loved that he shared the substances that bound him in addiction. He also shared the tough experiences he had had. The pain in this man’s neck and back also became a topic of conversation where Chad saw a chance to bless the guy. So, they prayed and the man was HEALED! They sat and ate and talked for about 3 hours that night.

After this divine encounter with this unexpected host, Chad left him and met 2 more guys. These 2 came up to Chad and asked for money for the bus, but what they left with was not only money for the bus, but also some major heart changes. After they asked Chad for the money, Chad was basically saying to them what he had told everyone, “I am a Christian and I believe the Lord has sent me to pray for you, can I do that?” As the conversation progressed, one of these 2 guys mentioned he was a Christian and the other that he wasn’t. As they talked, Chad boldly asked the one guy if he wanted to become a Christian.

This was a divine appointment and in these God-given open door experiences that only God could orchestrate, this guy said he wanted to ask Jesus to be Lord of his life. His friend made an expression that showed he was in awe of what was taking place as he seemed to say in a quizzical yet joyful way, “Chad?!”

Chad proceeded to try and lead this guy into the Kingdom. He asked him if he was sorrowful regarding his sin and if he was willing to turn away from them. This man agreed to the questions and leading of Chad and he was born again. The stranger became part of the family and Chad wrapped his arm around him and welcomed him in to the family. The friend of this new convert said to Chad, “you have blessed us so much tonight, I have to give you something.” As he rummaged around his bag, he pulled out a pair of sandals and gave Chad his own sandals. Chad remembered what the Lord had told him through the deliverance and it symbolized this moment. Chad felt God told him that he would start to wear new shoes from now on and thanks to this encounter he would.

Some Concluding Thoughts About God’s Ability

This prayer night sounded to me like a narrative from the book of Acts as I listened to Chad share the stories from it. The background of Chad’s deliverance also highlighted for me the power of God to do what I could not (go figure).

            God was showing up in Chad’s life when I was desperate and unable to help Chad. It was amazing to see God move where I could not, bringing deep healing in Chad’s heart and also calling him up to the leader and disciple He is calling Chad to become.

Praise the Lord!

Chad, God Sends us Someone to Equip for Mission

The story of how God sent us our first leader in our Hillcrest Outreach is an amazing one. I met Chad, one day at the front of the auditorium in the school that our (Esther and I) Church meets at. He came up for prayer and I (Patrick) was able to pray for him. At one point, in the midst of our conversation I shared my story and he said that he understood much of what I shared (my normal broken sexuality and identity journey that I share often). Besides my own sharing, he was able to share a bit of his.

I found out that he was out visiting from Michigan trying to figure out why God seemingly was telling him to move to California. He had sort of come out looking for work to start the process of moving out here-even brought a bunch of resumes and references to give to prospective employers. At the end of our prayer time, I was intrigued and knew pretty much right away that God was doing something. We decided to meet for coffee.

It was the morning where our first convert in Hillcrest became a believer that I met up with Chad. I was full of joy and thanksgiving for what God had just done in bringing David into the Kingdom when Chad and I met up. As I shared the news during our time, Chad started to weep and was moved by what God had done in David’s life just that morning. It became apparent as I learned that Chad knew what it was like to be “in the lifestyle” (engaged in homosexuality), for he had been in it for 10 years, but now gave his life to Jesus and proclaimed that this wasn’t his label anymore.

Over the course of our meet up, it became apparent to me that I was in a sense interviewing Chad. It seemed that this guy was a great candidate to intern with us (I didn’t even really know all that this meant at the time) and so I proposed to him that maybe God had brought him out to do ministry in the gay community of Hillcrest. He seemed to be enthusiastic about the idea and it seemed it was then that he made the decision, he would indeed move to San Diego to follow God into a new chapter of his life.

This new chapter is a bit mysterious for both he and I, but the clear sacrifice of Chad’s decision to follow is evident. Several days after “the interview”, Chad left back to Michigan to start the process of transition. To my amazement, he sold or gave away almost all he owned. The furniture, the electronics, the kitchen stuff, and so much more would go, whatever wouldn’t fit in his Ford Escape. He quit a Certified Nursing Job he had been doing. He addressed the issue with family and Church family who were probably baffled by his decision. He left material, bewildered family members, comfort, and so much more because he felt God’s call was clear.

In June of this year, Chad arrived from his long road trip bearing all that he owned in his vehicle. He agreed to a 6 month internship with us and started to learn what the Lord has for him here. I have to say it has been an honor walking with him this past several months. It is our desire to see people like Chad become on fire for Jesus, people who once identified as gay or lesbian and even the transgender people. We want to see people grow deep in love with God and pick up His heart for the LGBT community. 

The Passing of David

It had been a little over the year since I met David while prayer walking the streets of Hillcrest and in a manner of a year, he came to our dinner parties, studied about Jesus from the Bible for the first time in his life, was given a dream from God to pull him near, veered from our friendship several times (reminds me of me when the Lord was tugging on me), we play epic games of scrabble, we shared laughs. As I thought about how David passed away the day after I saw him, I realized I had not lost a personal project, but a friend.

I'm thankful that the Lord led me to see him on the 11th of September because by the next day he had stopped fighting. I have known David as a warrior. He was a long time HIV survivor, contracting it in his teens and hosting it for around 30 years. He endured cancer 3 times. He lived on the streets at 13 years of age. He was one of 5 kids, that should say it all :).

Not only did I know him as a warrior, but I knew him as a curious learner and one who was very compassionate. He once bought 6 sleeping bags to hand out to homeless people when it was cold outside and he had several other stories. He cried with people and he helped them. Sure, he made mistakes but his last great choice was to receive Jesus as his savior and so God as his Father. As some friends and loved ones reminded me, it was timely that we met him when we did. God used us to touch someone He loves, forever.


Here is a small obituary from the place we both volunteered and a pic:

David Anguiano               

  Sept. 8^th, 1965 - Sept. 12^th, 2014

  David was born in SD. Went to Kearny High 

  and went to “Your Life” College. He volunteered

  for several causes.  One of them was “BA-Peer Adv.”

He is now able to join a person he adored- Paul Walker!

All of his friends will miss his Smile and Love for Life

Jericho Prayer Meetings

Battling the True Enemies

As the Israelites had finally crossed into the land that God had promised, they found out the land was inhabited and that God would have them wage war on the inhabitants to claim their land as the land God had in mind for them from the beginning of time. One of the most interesting things to me in their battles was how they overthrew Jericho, a heavily fortified city filled with inhabitants. Their weapon of warfare were trumpets made from ram’s horns called Shofars. On the seventh day, they walked around the walls of Jericho seven times with the ark in the middle and the people of God leading and following the Ark’s procession. When it was time, the Shofars were blown and a loud shout war cry was given. The walls of the enemy fell down with their demise coming soon after (Joshua 6:1-20) .

We know that we are not trying to slay the people of Hillcrest, as that wouldn’t be God’s heart for them, but rather we want to see the destruction of the principalities around them that keep them from the Truth (Ephesians 6). Our weapon, are our fiery hearts fully in love with Jesus cultivated in the flames of encountering the Living God through worship. So, we gather and we worship the one who has brought us into a living hope. And, we pray and ask for the same mercy and grace to be shown to the LGBT people so that they too may have a Living Hope.

The symbolism between the battle over Jericho and ours is amazing. The Lord was impressing upon Esther the idea of a Shofar and we had almost no idea its importance until Esther followed God’s promptings to understand what this instrument meant.

The Shofar

We have realized that Shofars were used in warfare Joshua , Numbers 10:9. We learned it was used to mark a new year, a new beginning.to declare the year of Jubilee. On Jubilee, property was returned to those who had to sell it. Slaves were freed. Moreover, the shofars were used to start celebrations such as the day of atonement.

For us, came the reality that God wanted us to declare the year of the Lord’s favor (Isaiah 61) and declare His mighty act of becoming sin so that we might become the righteousness of God if we believe upon Him. We realized that God wants to free them of their sins and errors and doesn’t want their death but that they should relent and repent (Ezekiel 18:23, 33:11). We realized that worship would be our weapon against the principalities that do indeed plague this people in Hillcrest. We believe God wants to declare war on the spiritual realm that has created and directed captive’s lives here, to bind up their broken hearts, to declare the hope of freedom for the captive, to set the prisoners free, and to create a new set of righteous oaks from this community  (Isaiah 61: 1).

So, we gather, we worship, we pray, and we even hit the streets.

"The Gift of Welcome" by Esther

We had the amazing opportunity again to host our Hillcrest monthly dinners recently and this time around, one of our regulars brought a new friend. We were so blessed to hear that she’d be bringing a friend. I did my normal preparation of planning the menu, cleaning the house and of course praying over the dinner/night.

I feel that a big part of having a “successful” dinner is offering the gift of welcome. Yes, I did just use that word, welcome as a noun! You see, I had secretly prayed for so long that our home would get this part right. That our home would be used to offer genuine love and a sense of welcome. I had asked God for help many times. I still do.

I desperately long for people in this LGBT community to get the sense of welcome from me and my husband. I pray constantly that they would feel loved by us small people but most of all, loved by Jesus. We have not had a perfect road down this way but this particular night, we felt a big measure of peace and love. I sensed that our friend, Sarah (names have been changed), felt at home that night because she told me several times that she missed us so much, that she missed coming to our dinners, and that she always had a good time. She told me that she needs to come more often. The fact that she even brought her friend along told me that she meant it. I was so elated when she said these words to me as I was carefully trying not to freak out and drop the plate of food!

I became even more elated when she went to the drawer to get another knife out. Wow, she actually knew where my knives were now! Yay! There was not a trace of invasion at all but a sense of pure thankfulness. I thought to myself: wow, Sarah knows my kitchen like I know my kitchen now b/c she’s been here.

Formalities drop when you are family. When you’re family, you no longer have to ask for a piece of bread before dinner starts, you just go to the fridge and get it (true incident that happened). When you’re family, you open up drawers, cupboards, etc without having to politely ask. You just do it b/c you know that the people accept/love you.

The dinner that night reflected the friendship and I think it also reflected how important the gift of welcome is. When someone feels welcomed, he/she feels accepted and valued no matter what history, background, or differences he/she may have. When someone feels welcomed, I believe he/she is brought closer to the Kingdom. And we know that regardless of background, sexual orientation, flaws, and mistakes everyone is completely welcomed into the Kingdom of God. Our God, is the most welcoming friend.

Esther

To God be the Gory, another LGBT-background Man Healed

Only recently did I learn that this man was healed by God. Harrison was no longer working at Being Alive, he had put in his notice and this man was taking over a part of his job. I walked in the door and he called me the healer man or something like that. I was confused and put back because I didn’t really realize what God had done for him.

My mind went back to when I had first met him as I was trying to figure out what God did for him. It was several months prior where I met this man. He had lost his good friend/partner and now he had lost his cat (you should know that animals are definitely people’s family here in Hillcrest). In the midst of all this, his ankle was in a lot of pain because of a severe strain that he had incurred while he was volunteering at Being Alive’s rummage sale. It was a definite low in his life. So, I felt the nudge and took a risk. As I waited on the Lord, I felt like God gave me the words: “I know his name.” I told him that God knew his name and I prayed in the name of Jesus for him and his ankle. He wept but nothing seemed to happen. He was thankful and I thanked him for letting me pray for him and went on my way.

Moving forward to the moment where I encountered him as a man with a functioning ankle who was acknowledging to me that he had help from someone outside of himself. I started to ask questions, half doubting and half excited for God’s touch (i.e. a little faith, a little doubt—seemingly my normal routine). I started to see God really did touch him and even he didn’t doubt that it was something, someone other than his medicine or physical therapist. Something great had to have happened because his foot had slipped into a sprinkler hole, got stuck and ripped one of his tendons (or something) in the process. He was telling me how amazed he was as he was pacing back and forth preparing for the food pantry that Being Alive would host the following week. As he thanked me, I proclaimed to him God’s love for him and that Jesus healed him, but he didn’t seem to be too mindful of that or interested in studying the Bible with me after I tried to invite him to that day. It was no doubt that he was touched by God, in his mind and my mind, the problem for him was that he couldn’t point to any one God because he wasn’t and isn’t very interested in organized religion but bits and pieces of things he likes from all religions.

So, I walked away thinking of the ten healed leper story, where 9/10 of them didn’t come back to thank Jesus but then I went back to meet him another day. I realized there was a potential that God healing him might’ve opened his heart to more spiritual conversations. So the next day, I went back and learned about his lack of a desire to be involved in “organized religion” and that whenever he heard of judgment or condemnation, he would walk away from that teaching. Taking the risk and the opportunity of an open heart, I began to tell him that even God’s judgment is good news and I even tried to tell him why. Surprisingly, he was receptive and didn’t shun me from talking about Jesus more with him and the story of humanity walking away from God, though no clear decision to follow Him was made. I can’t help to think that God planted some sort of seed through me into his heart and the open door was through God’s finger touching his deep need.

Jesus already went to the extreme to demonstrate the love of God to broken and wandering humanity (Romans 5:8), and it is more and more clear to me that God WANTS to show up in miraculous ways in the lives of LGBT people. In fact, He is!

The end is near, “the time is fulfilled, and the Kingdom of God is near. [we are to] repent and believe the good news” (Mark 1:15). How much more is this true around 2000 years after Jesus first stated this? This blog post, in a way, is a call to realize that God wants LGBT people to know Him, to see the nearness of His coming Kingdom as good news. It is true, that there are many LGBT (and straight or greedy or proud people), here in Hillcrest, who should have some fear of the coming Kingdom because sin will be judged by Holy Jesus, the Savior King. At the same time and even more beautiful than judgment of humanity, is the fact that in Jesus, judgment is overcome by mercy and there is an opportunity for a new and beautiful identity. This is the good news that I have found hope in. God is leading our group to declare to LGBT people that there is opportunity for mercy triumphing over judgment and to be given a new identity. Furthermore, stories like this man’s story remind me that He will CONFIRM the good news of the nearness of His Kingdom. He is hungry for this declaration to be made and He gives power in its declaration (Luke 10: 9).